A Real Scare

As many of you know already, Ainsley has been in the hospital for a kidney infection the last few days. And as I'm sitting in this very quiet hospital room while Ainsley takes a nap, I wanted to spend some time reflecting on the situation.

On Wednesday night, I was getting ready to head home from a two-day stay at my mom and dad's house. My sister and nephew were visiting from Colorado, so I wanted to spend some time with them before they left back home. Eli, Ainsley and I were packing up the car when my mom and dad noticed that Ainsley woke up from her nap with a slight fever. At this point, her temperature was 100, so I thought maybe the slight fever was just caused from her two top teeth coming in. In any case, instead of stopping at my aunt's house for dinner, the kids and I drove south to St. Cloud. That evening, A's fever got a little worse, 103.5, at which point I thought she either has a bug, an ear infection or a urinary tract infection, which was something we had gone through in August. My gut said that it was just a bug since she seemed to have an upset tummy and hadn't been tugging on her ears at all. The rest of the evening was a classic sick-child scenario--Jay and I took turns with Ainsley sleeping on our chests in order for her to get any sort of rest. I kept giving her Tylenol, but nothing seemed to be helping her fever.

The next morning I braced myself for a long day at home with the kids. I wasn't sure how I was going to keep Eli entertained while holding a snuggly and sick Ainsley (who is VERY heavy, by the way, and gave me a real arm workout), but I was going to give it my best. What made matters a little worse was I knew that Jay had to work late that day, too, so I was solo until at least 5:30 p.m. Eli was pretty good throughout the day for me--granted, he got to watch WAY more TV than normal, but it was the only way I could get a little rest, too. Ainsley, however, seemed miserable all day. She wouldn't really eat, she was vomiting, and constantly moaned throughout the day like she was in terrible pain. It hadn't even been 24 hours since I first noticed the fever, so I didn't think I would need to bring her in to the clinic until the next day, Friday, if nothing was making her better. However, by 4:00 in the afternoon, while snuggling in the recliner with A as Eli took his afternoon nap, I noticed Ainsley feel like she was burning up. I took her temp, and it was 104.9. My mommy instincts immediately took over, and I realized that I needed info fast. I called the clinic, and luckily I got through to a nurse right away. After relaying A's symptoms to the nurse, she said Ainsley was borderline on symptoms that would mean a recommendation to go in to the ER. When I heard borderline and the words "ER", I immediately welled-up with tears and decided that it was time to take her in. Borderline was close enough for me. I wasn't taking any chances.

I tried calling Jay, but he was in a video shoot and couldn't be reached. I knew I would need help getting to the ER with both kids, so I immediately called my friend, Jo, who lives nearby and could help in a pinch. Jo came right over and before long, we were en route to the ER. On our way over, I was thinking about how I had never been in the ER before (I mean besides checking in to the hospital to deliver babies in the middle of the night). I was nervous and a little scared, but with Jo next to me, I knew I could get through it. We checked in and waited to see a nurse and a doctor to assess Ainsley's illness. Originally the doctor was concerned about dehydration and getting her fever down. They also wanted to check for a UTI, which, like I said earlier, we had dealt with before. By this time (about 15 minutes after arriving at the ER) Jay arrived from work, and Jo was busy keeping Eli entertained in the waiting room. At this point, two nurses came in to the very tiny ER room to collect a urine sample via catheter. As Ainsley was laying there, though, we noticed she was twitching and her eyes seemed distant. She wouldn't respond to us calling her name, and at that point I heard a nurse say something about a seizure. Trying to keep calm, I continued to talk to Ainsley, but it was obvious something was very wrong. The amazing ER team crashed into our room and took over working on Ainsley. They gave her sedation medication and were trying to find ways to bring her fever down more quickly.

I would like to pause for a moment to say that this was, hands-down, the scariest moment I have experienced as a parent. Granted, we had been through other scary moments with our kids including Ainsley being in the NICU right after birth for a pneumothorax (air surrounding one of her lungs which obstruct it from inflating and deflating properly), finding out that Ainsley had Autosomal Dominant Polycystic Kidney Disease, and watching Eli undergo anesthesia for his ear tube surgery, but this moment was by far the worst. It felt like I was in the middle of a television medical drama as the distraught parent crying in the back of the room while a team of medical professionals swarm around the sick ER patient. I have never felt more helpless. Ainsley was lying on the bed, sweating profusely, twitching involuntarily, and obviously in a severe medical state, and there was nothing I could do to help her. All I could think was, "please don't die." My heart was in an emotional knot.

After the initial rush of blood draws, IVs, and injections, Dr. Ted (the perfect ER doctor for us because he was such a warm, easy presence in a time of chaos) informed us that Ainsley had experienced a febrile seizure, which was actually quite common and that there would be no lasting effects from the seizure. They would now be working to find the source of the fever, and while that was happening, Ainsley would continue to be sedated to help her recover from the seizure. Once they stabilized her, Jay and I could be by her bedside, and the medical team encouraged us to talk to Ainsley so she could hear our voices. By her side, I could see her physical body laying there, but her serious and cool personality was gone. Her eyes were shut, and she looked like her spirit was gone. It was a terribly sad time. I tried talking to her, but I was crying while saying her name and stroking the hair that fell on her forehead. At this moment I would have given anything for her to be fine.

In the end, they ruled out meningitis, pneumonia, and blood infection. She was diagnosed in the ER with a bladder infection. She was to be admitted for at least overnight to monitor her and stabilize her condition. At 7:30 p.m., over 2.5 hours from entering the ER, Ainsley was admitted upstairs to the pediatric wing. Once upstairs, we met with a pediatrician who changed her diagnosis to a kidney infection. This was bad news.

When Ainsley had her UTI in August, her pediatric nephrologist was concerned about this exact scenario--a UTI turning into a kidney infection. It is rare to see symptoms of ADPKD in such a young person, and we want to protect Ainsley's already damaged kidneys from any more distress. For now, there's no long term consequences, but we want to keep Ainsley as healthy as possible. She'll probably have to be on antibiotic for the next year or so to prevent further UTIs and kidney infections.

And that brings us to the present. Jay and I are sitting in Ainsley's hospital room, feeding her, watching her get better hour by hour. She's now eating, sitting up, playing, and reading books with us. She looks 10 times better than she did a day and a half ago--she no longer has the sad, sick, glassy eyes. We will be here until at least Monday, which is the best case scenario. Her white blood cell count needs to drop back down to normal levels, she needs to be fever-free for at least 24 hours, and she needs a few more days of IV-antibiotics.

The other difficult part of the situation is Eli. From the moment we got in the car to head to the ER, Eli has been clingy, confused and emotional about any little decision we make. It's hard to see him suffer and not completely understand what's happening. He gets that Ainsley is sick, but it's difficult for him to see Jay and I split so much of our time and not be home with him. Thankfully, he has been able to spend some time with my parents, which hopefully has distracted him enough from Ainsley's situation. I look forward to him being able to go back to daycare on Monday, get back into a normal routine, and be around his friends and Amy. And I also look forward to the day where we can all be home together as a family.

In the end, here's what I have learned: I'm thankful for very good health insurance, the St. Cloud Hospital staff is AMAZING, we have wonderfully generous friends and family who have offered meals, prayers, and help with Eli, and that life is short and precious. Also, I've realized the old saying is true: "If you have your health, then you have everything."

I will continue to keep you posted on Ainsley's progress.

We wish everyone a very happy new year....